Editor’s note: Holly Bertone, a certified holistic health coach based in Chambersburg, is offering readers an eight-part series with tips on avoiding holiday overeating. After the series, she’ll offer a weekly set of health pointers.
The holiday season is often a time of joy, celebration, and connection—but it can also be a time of overindulgence and frustration when it comes to food choices and health goals. Many people fall into the “all-or-nothing” mindset: indulging in treats with the promise to “start fresh in January.” This mindset, however, can lead to weight gain and feelings of guilt and defeat.
On average, Americans gain around six pounds during the holidays, according to research published in The New England Journal of Medicine. But the weight gain isn’t just about enjoying a few extra cookies or holiday meals. It’s driven by deeper patterns and behaviors that come into play during this festive but stressful time of year.
Let’s explore the four common patterns that contribute to this all-or-nothing mindset, why they keep us stuck, and what we can do to break free.
1. Social conditioning
From a young age, many of us are taught to please others, which manifests as “people-pleasing” behaviors in adulthood, especially during the holidays. We eat food we don’t want to, just to avoid offending someone or to meet family expectations.
A study published in Psychology Today (source)found that people-pleasing behaviors are often a form of social survival, where individuals sacrifice their needs to maintain peace or avoid conflict. During the holidays, this pressure can skyrocket, leaving us overindulging to meet the demands of others instead of honoring our own health goals.
2. Perfectionism
Perfectionism fuels the belief that everything must be “just right” during the holidays. If perfection isn’t achieved, many people abandon their efforts entirely, swinging from strict restriction to complete indulgence.
It’s common for perfectionists to equate self-worth with success, creating cycles of guilt and shame. For example, they skip dessert at a holiday gathering to appear “disciplined” but then binge eat when no one is watching.
3. Control
The need for control often goes hand-in-hand with perfectionism. Many individuals create an idealized version of the holidays, attempting to manage every detail. When things don’t go as planned – perhaps a dish doesn’t turn out, or a guest cancels at the last minute – they may feel like the event is a failure. This can trigger emotional eating as a coping mechanism.
This pattern of trying to micromanage outcomes leads to stress and eventual burnout, which further fuels the cycle of indulgence and regret.
4. Indulgence
The pendulum swings farthest during the holidays when indulgence often replaces balance. Strict restriction – whether it’s cutting out certain foods or saying no to treats – builds tension, which can lead to self-sabotage and overindulgence.
Emotional eating is one of the most common ways the brain copes with stress and a sense of losing control. The holidays, because of their heightened social and emotional intensity, will magnify these behaviors.
Why this mindset feels uncontrollable
When these patterns collide, they activate the body’s “fight-or-flight” stress response. In this state, the brain craves comfort and stability, which leads us to reach for food. Food becomes a tool to numb emotions, reward effort and regain balance. Unfortunately, this provides only a temporary solution, which keeps us stuck in the cycle of indulgence, guilt, and frustration.
Breaking the cycle
Breaking free from the all-or-nothing holiday mindset isn’t about being perfect or sticking to a rigid plan. Instead, it’s about finding balance and addressing the root causes of these behaviors.
- Be aware of patterns: Recognizing social conditioning, perfectionism, control, and indulgence as drivers of your behavior is the first step toward change.
- Reframe the holidays: Instead of seeing them as a time to either indulge fully or restrict completely, approach them with the mindset of enjoying treats mindfully without overdoing it.
- Manage stress: Since stress is a significant trigger for emotional eating, building stress-management habits, such as deep breathing, journaling, or taking walks, can help.
The holidays are a time to celebrate and connect, but they don’t have to derail your health. By breaking free from these patterns, you can enjoy the season without regret and set the stage for long-term success.
